Seeking for validation

I am a person who seeks for others’ validation and approvals most of the time. I feel like it has had a negative impact on my own control of who I want to become as well as what I would like to do for my own sake.  We all seek for approvals and validation. This has been taught since we were children. Remember that time when you tried to please your parents with your achievement? Remember that time when you changed your opinions based on what other people think ? In my own confession, I still remember about a girl I used to be friends with when the whole class was very against her because of her difference. In the end, I could not stand my ground. I switched my side and turned my back on her. It was devastating for her to lose her trust and have no one to support her, even her family. It was my biggest lesson at middle school. For seeking validation from others, I threw my friendship away. I could apologise to her a thousand times but the damage was done.

I still look for the approvals from other people till today, especially with social media. There are so many times I post something on Social Media . I watch and get excited from how many “likes” I get and how many people comment just to fill a hole in my self-worth. And the circle continues when I feel empty, I have the urge to get the attention, to get likes and comments and to make myself more worthy. I let numbers define me when I am supposed to define myself.

I like making people happy. But the happiness doesn’t come from seeing others being happy. The happiness comes from seeing others validating my effort. Sometimes it means to compromise my own joy. I like to be called a “nice” person. I am a nice person. However, I need to be recognised as a “nice” person to become one. I wonder :” Where does the girl who stood by what she loved and believed in go? Where does the person who has a personality and different tastes go? It’s like poof… and she’s gone.”

I am starting to realise that: I am enough. I don’t need others to tell me that I’m OK to feel OK. And it’s alright when I feel insecure or shameful. I don’t need to make everyone happy just so people can validate my values. I want to make people happy because they are worthy of happiness. I  don’t need people to tell me I’m beautiful to feel beautiful. I don’t want to be bound by the number of likes and comments and people who like me. I am more than that. I stay on my grounds for what I believe in and not what others believe in. It will probably take me years to stop seeking for validation. But for now at least I realise: we are all different people. Instead of trying to make us alike, why not enhance our uniqueness? Aren’t we all beautiful majestic creatures ? I’m not perfect and neither is any of us. Our imperfections are like puzzle pieces which will help to complete the world.self-worth

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